June 29th, 2015 by Yale Schalk / 0
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Though Marvin The Martian has previously been content to continue strategizing his plan for intergalactic domination, it appears today’s unveiling of the Jordan Super.Fly 4 has set him off on a slightly different mission.
The squat alien issued a missive explaining that “Blake Griffin and his Super.Fly 4 machine” holds the power necessary to turn the tables in his favor. Which, in this case, means that Marvin needs to track down that power, pronto. And then challenge Blake to a winner-takes-Earth dunk contest.
Read Marvin’s manifesto below and prep for the Super.Fly 4’s July 1 release in China, followed by a global release on August 5. MSRP is $150. Photos below, too.
I have reached my limit with you Earth creatures. For too long the people of Mars have stood by and put up with your anti-Martian activity. Your shuttles, and rovers have been driving us crazy!!!!
My superiors have granted me permission to finally destroy the Earth by any means necessary. K-9 and I have searched the galaxy and heard about this Blake Griffin and his Super.Fly 4 machine that possesses the power to disintegrate your puny little planet.
Today, I am putting you Earthlings on notice. I am searching for this Blake Griffin fellow and when I find him I will use him to destroy the Earth. I will use the Jordan Super.Fly 4’s Earth-shattering powers to disintegrate that rock you call home.
It is flattering that you Earthlings have been influenced by our greatness. The Jordan Super.Fly 4 machine’s colors are clearly inspired by the Martian way of life. While it warms my small Martian heart that you hold us in such high regard it will not sway me from my mission to destroy you!
Clearly, you have created this FlightSpeed tool to provide Blake Griffin with previously unmatched power. I demand that you hand over it and its Earth shattering explosive properties immediately, or feel the wrath of my Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator. If you inferior Earthlings do not comply I will come to Earth and take it from Blake Griffin myself.
My army of instant Martians has already been deployed to find Blake Griffin in a place called China; we will start there and make our way across your planet until we find him. When I find this Blake Griffin I will challenge him to what you Earthlings call a dunk contest…winner takes Earth.
I have also commandeered the Jordan.com machine to update you Earthlings on my progress and the search for Blake Griffin and the Jordan Super.Fly 4 machine.
Good luck. You’ll need it.